Dear Reader,
If you spend any time in therapy spaces lately, on social media feeds, or in watercooler chatter, you’ve probably noticed something interesting happening – the field is evolving and questioning…
Ideas that once felt settled are being re-examined. Frameworks that shaped how we talk about trauma, relationships, and the nervous system are being looked at again with fresh eyes and better research. And sometimes when that happens, the internet reacts like someone just kicked a sacred cow.
But this is actually a healthy sign.
Psychology — like relationships, like sexuality, like identity — evolves. The models that helped us make sense of human experience at one point in time often get refined, expanded, or challenged as we learn more. That’s not failure. That’s intellectual honesty.
At Dalliance, we’ve never been particularly interested in clinging to dogma. What we care about is usefulness. Does a clinical intervention, theoretical orientation or integrative approach help a client better understand themselves? Does it create compassion in relationships? Does it open the door to more choice, more curiosity, more connection? If it does, we keep it in the toolbox. If it needs updating, we update it.
And if the conversation is getting oversimplified — especially in the world of therapy-TikTok and Instagram neuroscience — we think it’s worth slowing down and taking a deeper look.
Recently, a number of researchers have begun questioning the scientific foundations of Polyvagal Theory, one of the most widely shared nervous-system frameworks in modern therapy culture. For many clinicians, that news landed somewhere between surprising and unsettling. So instead of ignoring the conversation — or reacting defensively — we thought we’d do what we always try to do here: step back, look at the bigger picture, and explore the nuance.
Because if there’s one thing we believe deeply, it’s this:
Human beings are too complex to fit inside any single theory.
Let’s talk about it.
Heather & Trish
Co-Founders and Clinical Directors at Dalliance Relationship Wellness Center
Be sure to check out our website www.dalliancetherapycenter.com
We invite you to stay connected with us via this newsletter, our Instagram page @dalliance_rwc, our Facebook page @Dalliance Relationship Wellness, our X (Twitter) page @dalliance_rwc, our Pinterest page @dalliance_rwc.
The goal of therapy was never to perfectly map the vagus nerve in real time. The goal was always to help people understand themselves, relate differently, and make more conscious choices.
Is Polyvagal Theory Being Debunked?
Let’s talk about it
For the past decade, “polyvagal” has been the one of the most talked about theories on therapy social media. You may recognize the terms, “Dorsal shutdown” or “ventral safety” or “sympathetic activation” or your nervous system this…” or “your nervous system that…” Well, recently, there’s been a wave of articles and researchers stating, “Polyvagal theory isn’t well-supported by empirical evidence.”
And this absolutely dropped a bomb on many therapists. Cue the panic. Cue therapists wondering if we’ve built half our language on a shaky foundation. But let’s slow this down for a moment.
What’s Actually Being Critiqued?
Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory in the ‘90s to explain how the autonomic nervous system relates to safety, attachment, and trauma. At a high-level, the theory proposes:
- A hierarchical nervous system
- A uniquely human “ventral vagal” social engagement system
- That shutdown (dorsal vagal collapse) is an ancient evolutionary survival response
Here’s what critics are saying:
- The strict “three-tiered hierarchy” isn’t well supported in human physiology research.
- The evolutionary claims about vagal branches are debated.
- Some of the anatomical distinctions are oversimplified.
- The way it’s often taught clinically goes beyond the data.
So what does this mean? The story might be cleaner than the science. That’s different than saying nervous systems don’t matter.
What’s Not Being Debunked
To be clear, the autonomic nervous system still exists. Trauma still impacts physiological regulation. Safety cues still change heart rate variability. Connection still affects nervous system states. Humans still shift between mobilization, collapse, and engagement. The critique is about explanatory precision, not about whether bodies respond to threat.
And if you’re doing somatic work, couples therapy, or psychedelic integration, you see this every week. The body doesn’t lie. Even if our metaphors need updating.
The Real Problem: Nervous System Reductionism
Where we think things went sideways isn’t in Porges’ curiosity. It’s in what happened on social media. It suddenly became that every conflict meant, “you’re in dorsal” or every withdrawal became “nervous system dysregulation” and every boundary became, “I need to regulate first.”
It turned a helpful framework into a totalizing identity. That’s not neuroscience: That’s branding. And when we reduce complex relational dynamics to autonomic states, we end up bypassing attachment patterns, developmental history, power dynamics, choice, and meaning-making. Your nervous system influences you but it is not your entire personality.
So How Should We Rethink It?
Instead of asking, “Is this sympathetic or dorsal?” Try asking yourself these questions instead:
- What is this state protecting?
- What story is the body telling?
- What does this person need relationally?
- What happens when safety increases?
- What happens when accountability increases?
We can keep state awareness, co-regulation, and body literacy without pretending we’re mapping the vagus nerve in real time.
The Grown-Up Take
Here’s our position: Polyvagal Theory is a clinically useful metaphor. It may not be a complete or fully validated neurobiological map. Both can be true. Therapy is full of models that are partially right and clinically helpful. For example, IFS isn’t literally parts. Attachment theory doesn’t measure oxytocin in session. ACT doesn’t require fMRI validation to be effective. Remember: Models are lenses, not laws.
When a model becomes dogma, we stop thinking critically. We outsource agency to biology. We over-pathologize normal stress. We lose complexity. But when we use models wisely, we increase compassion. We increase nervous system literacy. We help couples depersonalize reactivity. We create more space between trigger and choice.
And that’s still powerful.
The Bottom Line
Your nervous system matters. Your attachment history matters. Your choices matter.
Your relational dynamics matter. No single theory gets to own all of it. The real flex in therapy right now? Intellectual humility and a willingness to evolve.
Dalliance Takeaways
1. The nervous system matters — but it’s not the whole story.
Your physiology influences how you respond to stress, conflict, and connection. But it exists alongside attachment history, personality, culture, meaning-making, and choice. Humans are not just nervous systems walking around.
2. Models are tools, not truth.
Polyvagal Theory, Attachment Theory, IFS, ACT — these are lenses that help us see patterns. Useful lenses can still be incomplete. Good clinicians use models flexibly, not religiously.
3. The body is still an important source of information.
Even if the neuroscience behind certain frameworks is debated, body awareness, co-regulation, and state shifts are real clinical phenomena we observe every day in therapy.
4. Beware of nervous system reductionism.
Not every disagreement is “sympathetic activation.”
Not every withdrawal is “dorsal shutdown.”
Not every boundary is “regulation.”
Human behavior is more layered than that.
5. Curiosity is more useful than diagnosis.
Instead of trying to label a state, ask:
What is this protecting?
What does this reaction make sense of?
What would support more safety, connection, or accountability here?
6. The real flex in therapy right now is intellectual humility.
The field evolves. The science evolves. Good therapists evolve with it.
Dalliance in Practice
A Monthly Therapeutic Tool From Our Couch to Your Inbox
The 60-Second Check-In
Many of us jump straight into reacting, especially in relationships. And we do this without noticing what our body is doing first. This quick pause builds awareness before a conversation escalates.
Step 1: Pause (20 seconds)
Before responding in a difficult moment, silently ask yourself:
- What is my body doing right now?
(tight chest, shallow breath, clenched jaw, warm face, racing thoughts)
Step 2: Name It (20 seconds)
Put simple language to the experience. For example:
- “I’m noticing my body feels tense.” Or “I’m feeling defensive right now.
Naming what’s happening helps the brain shift from reaction to awareness.
Step 3: Choose Your Response (20 seconds)
Ask yourself: What would help me stay connected right now?
Examples:
- Take one slow breath or ask for a pause.
Small moments of awareness often prevent conversations from turning into conflicts.
Reflection Prompts
- What signals does my body give me when I’m overwhelmed?
- When do I tend to react before I notice how I feel?
- What helps me return to a calmer, more grounded state?
- How might pausing change the way I respond in relationships?
Check out www.dalliancetherapycenter.com to learn more about our expanded services! Along with our expertise in relationships and sexual wellness, we now offer compassionate support for anxiety, depression, life transitions, family therapy, and more. Our goal is to help you create a healthier, more fulfilling life—emotionally, mentally, and relationally. Whatever you’re going through, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
Pieces of Pleasure
Every month, we will be sharing the resources that are getting us thinking, learning & loving…
What We Are Listening To: Ologies with Alie Ward. Episode on Venereology (Sexually Transmitted Infections) with Ina Park: Park breaks down the science of sexually transmitted infections while challenging the stigma and shame that make them difficult to talk about openly. She also offers practical education on condoms, testing, waxing, sores, and more, along with helpful suggestions and conversation prompts for navigating honest, sometimes awkward conversations about sexual health.
What We Are Reading: Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony With Your Values: A must-read that teaches a powerful framework for communicating with empathy, honesty, and clarity while staying aligned with your core values.
What We Are Watching: Shrinking: Season 3: Shrinking may not be the most accurate depiction of therapy (boundaries? what boundaries?), but it’s packed with heart, humor, and lovable characters navigating grief, relationships, and life’s messier moments. If you’re willing to suspend your inner clinician for a bit, it’s a wholesome, feel-good watch that reminds us how powerful connection and honesty can be.
