Your Permission Slip for an Imperfect Holiday Season From Dalliance Co-Founders, Trish Andrews & Heather DeKeyser
Hello Dear Reader,
The holidays have a funny way of bringing everything to the surface.
The joy. The stress. The nostalgia. The “who’s bringing the green bean casserole” debate that somehow turns existential.
We see it every year in our clients—and honestly, in ourselves too. The push for perfection can sneak in fast. The old family roles (“Oh look, it’s me, the emotional air traffic controller again”) start showing up before we’ve even unzipped our coats.
But here’s the truth:
The holidays don’t have to be a performance.
They can be an experiment in presence.
This season, we’re inviting you to lower the bar. To trade “perfect” for “honest.” To notice when you’re bracing instead of breathing. To choose connection—not the Hallmark version, but the kind that makes room for the mess, the grief, and the real.
If your holiday table looks less like a Norman Rockwell painting and more like a therapy meme, you’re not alone. (In fact, you might be doing it right.)
In this issue, our team offers tools for:
- Staying grounded through family dynamics
- Boundary setting that doesn’t burn bridges
- Rituals that hold both joy and loss.
Think of it as a gentle recalibration—from stress to connection.
We hope it helps you move through the season with more grace, humor, and maybe even a little rebellion against the “shoulds.”
Warm wishes and well-timed boundaries,
Heather & Trish
Co-Founders and Clinical Directors at Dalliance Relationship Wellness Center
Be sure to check out our website www.dalliancetherapycenter.com
We invite you to stay connected with us via this newsletter, our Instagram page @dalliance_rwc, our Facebook page @Dalliance Relationship Wellness, our X (Twitter) page @dalliance_rwc, our Pinterest page @dalliance_rwc.
From Stress to Connection: Navigating the Holidays with Care
The holiday season often brings a mix of joy, stress, nostalgia, and sometimes conflict. While traditions and gatherings can create connection, they can also stir up family tensions, financial pressures, and feelings of loneliness.
The holidays can be both an opportunity for deepened connection and a time where old patterns resurface. Understanding how to navigate these dynamics can help you move through the season with more grace, intention, and authenticity.
1. Stress and Expectations: The Pressure of “Perfect”
Holidays come with cultural and family expectations—meals, gifts, traditions, even how much joy you’re “supposed” to feel.
How Stress Shows Up During the Holidays:
- Unrealistic Standards: Pressure to host, cook, or give the “perfect” gifts.
- Time Crunch: Juggling work, travel, and family commitments.
- Emotional Overload: Old family conflicts or grief around missing loved ones can resurface.
Therapist Tip: Lower the bar for “perfect.” Instead, focus on presence over perfection. Ask yourself: What matters most for me this year?
2. Family Dynamics and Boundaries
Family systems are like snow globes—shake them up (like at the holidays), and old dynamics quickly reappear.
Common Holiday Triggers:
- Role Expectations: Falling back into being “the peacekeeper” or “the black sheep.”
- Boundary Crossings: Unsolicited advice, comments on relationships or appearance.
- Generational Differences: Clashes over values, traditions, or lifestyle choices.
Therapist Tip: Boundaries are gifts, too. You can say yes to connection while still saying no to what harms your well-being. Practice short, kind responses: “Thanks for sharing, but I’m not discussing that today.”
3. Navigating Grief and Loneliness
For many, the holidays highlight absence—whether due to loss, distance, or transition.
How Grief Appears During the Holidays:
- Feeling disconnected from celebrations.
- Increased nostalgia and longing for the past.
- Pressure to “put on a happy face” when joy feels hard to access.
Therapist Tip: Create intentional rituals—light a candle for a loved one, write them a letter, or start a new tradition in their honor. Grief and joy can coexist.
4. Cultivating Connection and Meaning
The holidays are a chance to redefine what celebration looks like for you and your relationships.
Ways to Re-Center Connection:
- Slow Down: Even 5 minutes of shared gratitude can shift the mood of a gathering.
- Shared Experiences: Play a board game, cook together, or take a winter walk.
- Chosen Family: If biological family feels hard, lean into friendships and communities where you feel seen.
Therapist Tip: Ask loved ones, “What do you need most this holiday season?” Simple curiosity can open space for deeper connection.
In Good Company:
Because connections are better when it’s co-created—and these are our people
Five Questions for Zara Ashby
Let’s Get to Know Zara:
Zara is an empowerment photographer, coach, and therapist, whose work bridges the worlds of art and healing. Through her luxury boudoir brand, Intimates by Zara, she helps women reconnect with their confidence, sensuality, and sense of self-worth. With nearly two decades behind the camera, Zara’s approach is more than visual — it’s emotional. She believes every woman deserves to be seen, celebrated, and reminded of her power. Beyond photography, Zara is passionate about helping women build lives and businesses that feel aligned and fulfilling. Her background in psychology and marriage and family therapy shapes how she guides clients — from posing in front of the camera to embracing their authentic selves in everyday life. Whether in her studio or through her coaching work, Zara creates safe, uplifting spaces where women can rediscover the beauty of being fully themselves.
1. What’s lighting you up lately—in your work or your life?
Honestly, what’s lighting me up most lately is watching women reclaim parts of themselves they didn’t even realize they’d tucked away. Every session feels like a reminder that confidence isn’t something you get — it’s something you remember. Whether it’s through a boudoir session, coaching call, or heartfelt conversation, I love witnessing that moment where a woman sees herself and thinks, “Oh, there I am.” That spark — that shift — is everything.
2. Tell us about the heartbeat of your business.
The heartbeat of my business is empowerment through self-expression. Boudoir isn’t about seduction — it’s about self-connection. It’s about helping women see their bodies and stories as art, not flaws to fix. When someone walks into my studio, my goal is for them to leave feeling grounded, powerful, and worthy exactly as they are. My studio is a judgment-free zone — a space where laughter, vulnerability, and beauty all coexist.
3. What practices, boundaries, or rituals help you stay connected to yourself while leading and creating?
Creating for others starts with creating space for myself. I journal, spend time in silence, and ground myself with gratitude before sessions. Movement and music are also big for me — dancing around while I set up the studio is my version of meditation. I’ve also learned that saying no to things that drain me is saying yes to deeper creativity and presence for my clients.
4. How has your work changed you—as a woman, a leader, or a human in relationship to pleasure and purpose?
This work has softened me and strengthened me at the same time. It’s taught me to honor my own body, my emotions, and the seasons I’m in. Holding space for women’s vulnerability has shown me that power and tenderness aren’t opposites — they’re partners. Boudoir has deepened my belief that pleasure is not frivolous — it’s healing. And purpose doesn’t have to be loud; sometimes it’s just helping someone remember how radiant they already are.
5. What truth are you learning to stand in more fully right now?
That I don’t need to shrink to make others comfortable. That my work — whether it’s photographing, coaching, or simply existing authentically — is meant to take up space. I’m learning to stand in the truth that beauty, success, and healing don’t have to be mutually exclusive. You can be sensual and strong, ambitious and soft, a work in progress and already enough.
Check out more about Zara or to learn more about scheduling with her: https://www.zaraashby.com/
Dalliance in Practice
A Monthly Therapeutic Tool from Our Couch to Your Inbox
Holiday Grounding Ritual
A Simple Practice for Family Gatherings
Step 1 – Pause Before Entering: Take 3 slow breaths before walking into a gathering or starting a holiday call. Set an intention (e.g., “I want to stay grounded”).
Step 2 – Anchor in the Body: If tension rises, plant your feet on the ground or touch a calming object (a bracelet, stone, or even your own hands).
Step 3 – Take Micro-Breaks: Step outside, excuse yourself to the bathroom, or simply close your eyes for 30 seconds. Reset before re-engaging.
Step 4 – Debrief Afterwards: Share with a trusted person what was hard and what went well. Reflection prevents stress from building up.
Pieces of Pleasure
Every month we will be sharing the resources that are getting us thinking, learning & loving…
What We Are Listening To: Relationships Made Easy Podcast, Episode 116: Coping Skills to Deal with Family Driving You Crazy During the Holidays
What We Are Reading: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
What We Are Watching: The Holiday (for a cozy reminder that love and connection show up in many forms)
