A Letter from DSWC Founders, Heather & Trisha
Dear Readers,
Welcome to fall! Summer was busy at DSWC. We have a lots of thoughtful content and exciting updates to share this month. The topic of September’s newsletter is the importance of sexuality, both in relationship with ourselves and our partners, but also discussing the need for it to be addressed by clinicians and medical professionals in therapeutic and medical spaces with clients/patients. As mental health clinicians and owners of a sexual wellness group practice, we view sexuality as a core part of a human’s identity that’s often overlooked. Read on to learn more…
Why self-of-the-therapist sexuality is important to clinicians and medical professionals
As mental health professionals, we recognize that the human experience is multifaceted—shaped by our emotions, relationships, identities, and often, by our sexuality. Yet, sexuality is sometimes overlooked in therapeutic settings, despite being a core component of many clients’ lives.
Sexuality encompasses more than just physical intimacy; it touches on identity, connection, power dynamics, and self-worth. By exploring this dimension in therapy, we provide a more holistic approach to healing, allowing clients to understand themselves in deeper, more nuanced ways. Addressing issues related to sexual identity, orientation, desire, trauma, and relationships can unlock personal growth, improve intimacy, and foster healthier self-esteem.
In this newsletter, we’ll explore how integrating discussions around sexuality into therapy can enhance your practice and support your clients in leading more fulfilling lives. Together, let’s broaden the scope of care to include this essential aspect of human well-being.
Therapists’ understanding of their own sexual selves is crucial in providing effective, non-judgmental support to clients. By cultivating self-awareness around personal beliefs, values, and experiences related to sexuality, therapists can better navigate their clients’ concerns with sensitivity and authenticity. This self-reflection helps identify potential biases or discomforts that might unconsciously influence the therapeutic process, allowing therapists to create a safe, open environment where clients feel comfortable discussing intimate and vulnerable topics. Ultimately, understanding one’s own sexual self enables therapists to model acceptance and empathy, fostering deeper client engagement and trust.
Here at Dalliance, training for our therapists centers around them having a deeper understanding and knowledge of how they have developed sexually and knowing what their own values and beliefs and attitudes are. Our clinicians then reflect on how these parts of themselves may influence their work and presence with clients they work with. We are forever in a growth mindset!
We are offering the same training we provide our clinicians to our clinical community with our new offering, the SABI (Sexual Attitudes and Beliefs Inventory) meant to bridge the gap in ethical therapist-client care. We have spent years researching and building this program and are proud to be able to offer it to wellness professionals, therapists, people working in healthcare settings, and anyone else who is patient/client facing. We are on a mission to support clinicians and healthcare professionals in developing a deeper knowing and understanding of themselves and how their own sexual values and beliefs contribute to and are important in providing comprehensive and compassionate care to those they are treating.
We are offering two upcoming dates for this training for individuals. The upcoming training dates are Friday-Saturday, November 15th & 16th, 8 am to 4 pm & Friday-Saturday, December 6th & 7th, 8 am to 4 pm. The cost is $625. The training will be held at our office space in downtown Parker, CO. We provide 14 CEs for the state of Colorado, and 5 of those CEs are in the category of Ethical Practice.
The one in November will have up to 10 participants and the training in December will be a smaller, more intimate group of 5 participants. Please visit www.dalliance.com/sabi-training for more information or schedule a 20-min information session at hello@dalliancesexualwellness.com.
As always, please feel free to share our newsletter with friends, family members, or colleagues who you feel may benefit. The opportunity to subscribe is on our website www.dalliancesexualwellness.com.
With love & pleasure,
Heather & Trisha
Founders and Clinical Directors at Dalliance SWC
We invite you to stay connected with us via this newsletter, our Instagram page @dalliance_swc, our Facebook page @Dalliance Sexual Wellness, our X (Twitter) page @dalliance_swc, our Pinterest page @dalliance_swc.
The Vital Role of Sex & Sexual Intimacy in Relationships
In the landscape of romantic relationships, sex and sexual intimacy are often highlighted as key components of a healthy and fulfilling partnership. While these elements are not the sole determinants of relationship success, they play a significant role in nurturing and sustaining the bond between partners. Understanding the multifaceted importance of sex and sexual intimacy can provide insight into why these aspects are integral to relationship health.
Sex and sexual intimacy are powerful tools for deepening emotional connection between partners. Physical touch and closeness foster a sense of vulnerability and trust, which are crucial for emotional intimacy. Engaging in sexual activity often involves sharing feelings and desires, leading to a stronger emotional bond. This connection can enhance overall relationship satisfaction and create a deeper sense of unity.
Sexual intimacy encompasses more than just intercourse; it includes a range of physical interactions such as kissing, cuddling, and touching. These forms of physical affection are essential for maintaining warmth and closeness in a relationship. They help partners express love and care in a tangible way, reinforcing the emotional connection between them.
Sex can be a significant stress reliever. During sexual activity, the body releases endorphins, which are natural mood enhancers and painkillers. Additionally, oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone,” is released, promoting relaxation and a sense of well-being. Regular sexual intimacy can help reduce stress levels and contribute to overall mental and physical health, benefiting the individuals and the relationship as a whole.
A healthy sexual relationship often requires open and honest communication about desires, boundaries, and preferences. This necessity for clear dialogue can extend beyond the bedroom, improving overall communication between partners. Effective communication is crucial for resolving conflicts, expressing needs, and fostering understanding in all aspects of the relationship. At Dalliance, we say, “if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.”
A fulfilling sex life is a key factor in mutual satisfaction and happiness in a relationship. It serves as an indicator of how well partners are meeting each other’s needs and desires. When both partners are satisfied with their sexual experiences, it can lead to greater contentment and stability within the relationship.
Sexual intimacy often reinforces the bond between partners. The trust and vulnerability required in a sexual relationship can strengthen the emotional connection and foster a deeper sense of commitment. This bonding can translate to increased trust and security in other areas of the relationship, contributing to its overall health and resilience.
A satisfying sex life can contribute to the stability of a relationship. It helps maintain attraction and interest between partners, which is important for long-term relationship success. Regular sexual intimacy can serve as a positive reinforcement, helping partners stay connected and engaged in their relationship.
Sexual intimacy provides an opportunity for couples to explore each other’s preferences, boundaries, and desires. This exploration can lead to personal and relational growth, enhancing the overall dynamics of the partnership. It can also inject creativity and excitement into the relationship, preventing it from becoming stagnant.
While sex is not a cure-all for relationship conflicts, it can serve as a way to reconnect and reestablish intimacy after disagreements or stressful periods. Physical closeness and affection can help partners overcome tensions and reinforce their emotional bond, aiding in conflict resolution and relationship repair.
Sex and sexual intimacy are just one part of a multifaceted relationship, but they contribute to a balanced partnership. A healthy relationship requires a combination of factors, including communication, trust, respect, and shared values. Sex and intimacy are vital for nurturing these aspects and ensuring overall relationship health.
At Dalliance, we believe sex and sexual intimacy are essential components of a healthy relationship, playing a significant role in deepening emotional connections, enhancing physical affection, and promoting overall well-being. While they are not the only factors that contribute to a successful partnership, their importance cannot be overstated. By understanding and valuing the role of sex and intimacy, partners can work towards building a more fulfilling, connected, and resilient relationship. If you find yourself longing for more intimacy in your relationship or want a better understanding of how to deepen that aspect of connection, please reach out to schedule a free 20 minute consultation with one of our exceptional clinicians at hello@dalliancesexualwellness.com.
Ideal End State Exercise
Created by Helen Wyatt, LMFT, DSWC Senior Therapist
Get out a piece of paper and a pen. You are going to make a list in bullet points of your ideal end state. Your ideal end state isn’t when we are old and unable to move, it’s when we’re at the pinnacle of however we define “success” in ourselves. Do not be practical in this exercise. Any thoughts such as “but it would never happen” or “this is not practical” are not useful in this exercise. Let yourself get a bit dreamy and fanciful with it. Be as specific as possible as you jot down your ideal end state experience: What does a day look like? Who are you around? What are you doing? How are you feeling? Are there things that you own? Nothing is too ridiculous for this exercise. Just make sure it is in alignment with your heart and your most powerful wants.
Next, as specifically as possible, list out what an average Tuesday looks like, from the morning moment you wake, to the moment you go to sleep. You can do this hour by hour, you can write out broader strokes, but be specific with what you are doing and experiencing as you spend your time living.
Now in the same spirit, as specifically as possible, what does an average Sunday look like?
Finally, you’re going to look at this list to see what inconsistencies are present between what you say you want and your actual behaviors and actions. How are you currently living, and what actions would you have to take to move toward your ideal end state? How does your current Self need to behave differently to move along toward this vision?
And yes, you began this exercise with being purposefully impractical – I encourage you to remember that humans are capable of great things. We did put ourselves on the Moon and Mars, after all… humans had to dare to dream impractically and take these same steps – behavior change and action – to get there. It takes courage to try on your dreams, let alone move yourself toward them. Be vulnerable and courageous and dare to risk fighting for something that is truly worth it for you in this life.
Finding Your Sexual Self Meditation
Find a quiet and comfortable place where you can sit or lie down without distractions. Allow your body to relax and your mind to become still. Close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, release any tension you may be holding in your body.
Focus on your breathing for a few moments, feeling the gentle rise and fall of your chest. With each breath, allow yourself to sink deeper into a state of calm and openness. Imagine that with each inhalation, you are drawing in peace and acceptance, and with each exhalation, you are letting go of any stress or self-judgment.
Now, turn your attention inward. Visualize a warm, comforting light surrounding you. This light represents your true self, your inner being, and it is infused with love and understanding. Feel this light gently embracing every part of you, including your sexuality.
Allow yourself to explore the concept of your sexual self. Remember, this is a journey of self-discovery and acceptance, not of judgment or criticism. Your sexual self is a natural and integral part of who you are, deserving of love and respect.
Picture your sexual self as a vibrant, expressive part of your being. Notice any sensations, emotions, or thoughts that arise as you think about this aspect of yourself. Are there any feelings of excitement, curiosity, or perhaps discomfort? Acknowledge whatever comes up without judgment.
As you continue to breathe deeply, imagine your sexual self as a beautiful, dynamic force within you. This force is unique to you and is expressed in a way that is true to your own experiences, desires, and boundaries. Embrace the idea that your sexuality is a natural expression of your individuality.
If you find any feelings of discomfort or resistance, imagine these feelings as clouds floating away in the breeze. Understand that these feelings are part of the process, but they do not define your worth or your potential for self-acceptance. Allow them to drift away, making space for a deeper connection with your sexual self.
Now, bring your focus to a sense of self-love and acceptance. Imagine wrapping yourself in a warm embrace, symbolizing the love and respect you deserve. Repeat silently or aloud: “I honor and embrace my sexual self. I am worthy of love, pleasure, and self-expression.”
Visualize your sexual self thriving in this space of acceptance and warmth. See it growing and evolving, always in harmony with your true self. Allow yourself to feel a sense of gratitude for this part of who you are.
When you are ready, gently bring your awareness back to your breath. Feel the rise and fall of your chest once more. Begin to wiggle your fingers and toes, bringing awareness back to your body and the present moment.
As you open your eyes, carry with you the sense of acceptance and love for your sexual self. Remember that this journey is ongoing, and every step you take towards understanding and embracing this part of yourself is a step towards a deeper connection with who you truly are.
